literature

Play: A Career in Pirating

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Literature Text

The scene takes place in a room with one table at the center. Two girls are sitting at this table, girl one is straddling her chair looking off into space while girl two is leaning back and reading a magazine, prolly on bags or something just as hardcore. There is a Sprite on this table, a beautiful Sprite. I mean, seriously, what scene could do without Sprite? Even mofo Shakespeare had Sprite and it wasn't even invented yet, that's just how bad ass he was. ...WTF was I talking about? OHYEAHZ. They were sitting there being bad ass and then...

SUDDENLY!?!?!?1111

G1: Have you ever conisdered being a pirate?

Girl 2 sets down her magazine a bit

G2: A what?

G1: A pirate!

G2: Why would I want to be a pirate?

G1: For the booty.

G2: I don't want any booty.

G1: But getting booty is fun!

G2: I don't want to get booty or be a pirate.

G1: You don't want to be a ninja instead, do you?

G2: A Ninja? Why?

G1: Because if you decide to be a ninja, we'd become sworn enemies, For I'd be a pirate and we'd forever battle an endless war that will never be reconciled until the earth explodes. Then both sides die in firey ashes of the universe.

G2: What if there was a ninja/pirate to gap the trench between them?

G1: Impossible, if there was a pirate/ninja it would cause the fine lines of the universe to unraveled and we'd all die, thank you very much.

G2: .....No, I don't want to be a ninja....

G1: So you will be a pirate!

G2: Not a pirate either! Do you like this purse?

G1: It sucks, but what about the booty?

G2: What ABOUT the booty?

G1: You're not hiding anything from me right? You'd tell me if you got booty or not, right?

G2: Yes, Im hiding the booty from you, I got booty last night....

G1: No need for sarcasm...

G2: Where would I hide booty anyway!?

G1: Duh, you burry it in deep!

G2: I'm guessing the best pirates burry the booty the deepest.

G1: We are talking about the ground right?

G2: I certainly hope so.

G1: So you're going to be a pirate?

G2: No! I'm not a pirate, ninja, fireman, alien, dinosaur, vampire, NOTHING! Now would you drop it?

G1: Vampires are pretty sexy though.

G2: Ugh!

G1: What kind of career choice beats out pirate?

G2: I don't know, something that requires a college degree?

G1: Degrees are for suckers without booties.

G2: That may be so, but they sure know how to use their head.

G1: As in brain?

G2: Of course.

G1: Of course....I think ninja requires a degree in whooping, are you trying to tell me something?

G2: No, I'm not.

G1: You're becoming a ninja in secret aren't you?

G2: No! I'm nothing! I told you!

G1: you better not be, because you wouldn't want to fight infront of my sprite.

G2: Yes, we shouldn't subject your Sprite to such violence....

G1: You sure know how to use your head.

G2: I was being sarcastic.

G1: Your head is small....

G2: My brain right?

G1: Of Course....

G2: Of Course.

G1: I hope you're aware that pirates can explode things with cannons...

G2: Can't ninjas dodge them though?

G1: HAH! THAT PROVES IT!

G2: Proves what?

G1: That you are, indeed, a ninja!

G2: I'm not a dang ninja!

G1: Unless you're trying to throw me off the scent of the truth...your booty....

G2: Look, I promise you, I'm not hiding a booty.

G1: I'll believe you for now, but I have to go, my 6 cyclinder sailboat awaits.

Girl 1 walks out stage right, when she's gone girl 2 walks off stage right

G2: SUCKER! SHE'LL NEVER GET MY BOOTY! IT'S IN TOO DEEP!

Fin
My friend said she needed a scene to act for theatre so I wrote her one

It's too dirty for her to actually use though lolz
© 2006 - 2024 PlasmaUnicorn
Comments13
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HOLY CRAP HOW HAVE I NOT COMMENTED ON THIS YET!?
I have totally read this at least 10 times. I LOVE IT!

Can I use it????